So, clearly, I sounded bitter talking about these friends who like to offer their advice and opinions on my love life.

I am, temporarily, feeling bitter.

But in the spirit of reclaiming power, and taking responsibility, I’ve also been thinking about the relationships I choose in my life, the people I attract as friends, and then how to shift toward relationships that empower me, not stress me.

Background: I enjoy solitude. I’m a woman who enjoys her close friends, and well, that’s it. I am friendly with lots of people, but I’m not one to share my life with too many people. And as I’m starting to understand, it’s because I require lots of down time to digest life and restore my sense of Self.

In the past, I haven’t made it a practice to seek out friends. Usually, it works like this: someone I’m around a lot starts chatting me up, until eventually we’re friends, and then we become close. And then that’s my person.

Basically, they choose me.

And I’ve been okay with that, because I know they like me, and that’s good.

Except, the power balance stays tilted in their respective direction, and I’m passively there for the company, the memories, the conversation – until I can chill alone again in peace.

So when that advice starts rolling in, I start to recoil because hey?! You chose me, right? I didn’t choose you, or this feedback. I was feeling safe before, and now, you’ve snatched that out from under me, and this sucks.

The problem is that because I’m attached to that person, I tend to let their words attach, as well.

And that blows.

Because their values, their words and ideas and life, aren’t mine. And don’t fit.

Which leads me to the realization that I must draw a line between myself and others, and operate from a sense of groundedness, such that My Values and Life aren’t affected by what They think. Havi and Hiro call this Sovreignty, defined by Havi as “…the quality of owning your space. It’s feeling so safe being you, that you can’t be shaken from yourself.”

That’s exactly what I want to cultivate. To me, it’s a serious feeling of groundedness, wherein I’m able to witness.

I’d also like to start over and pay more attention to creating relationships. Like, choosing more wisely, having a more balanced sense of power, and owning All of Me.

I think it’s about participating more. And knowing when it’s not worth it to me to participate …. and that’s okay.

I have to keep saying “it’s okay” because I’m too used to operating on “should.” I should be friends with everyone, I should like them because they like me, I should have a lot of friends. Blah. None of that is energizing or happy-making. Mostly because of the “should.”

And, I’m essentially re-creating my life. I feel like my life can be divided into two halves: B.C. (Before Consciousness) and A.D. (Awareness, Dude.) So now, I’m living in A.D., and a lot of unconscious patterns are coming to light. I’m letting go of What Sucks – a new feeling entirely – while reminding myself that it’s okay.

It’s a new Me, designed by Me.

And she’s fuckin’ sexy.

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